By this point there are likely 2.5 million posts on the internet about things to do while you’re stuck inside. So, below is a list of things you should avoid doing while quarantining.
- Do NOT make a list of all the restaurants you’re going to visit once the shelter in place is lifted. It will only make you hungry and the 72 cans of tuna in your cupboard will lose their appeal.
- Do NOT look at your photo albums or scrapbooks. It will only remind you of times when you were allowed to go outside and travel.
- Do NOT follow instagram accounts of puppies or kittens. You will suddenly desire a brood of animals around you.
- Do NOT join an online dating site. Yes, you’re lonely. But eventually the quarantine will end and JeffyBoy96 will be at your door. Do you really want that?
- Do NOT drink an entire bottle of tequila. It won’t disinfect your insides and you’ll just be hungover in the morning.
- Do NOT prioritize which of your neighbors you’ll eat first when the apocalypse truly comes. I know it’s tempting, but it’ll only make it that much harder to be nice to them when the world doesn’t end.
- Do NOT join an MLM. Nobody wants that shit.
- Do NOT write an email telling your boss where to shove it. You may accidentally hit send.
- Do NOT hide fake journal entries around your house saying things like “Day 72 – We opened the last can of green beans today. Tomorrow, we cook Edna over the fire.”
- Do NOT read anything by Ayn Rand. I say this generally, but it’s especially important when there’s nobody around to slap sense into you.
- Do NOT wear pants. Pants are a tool of the oppressors.
Anything I missed? Tell me in the comments!